Confession Time
by Kristina Hulvershorn, Director of Restorative and Humane Programs Confession time. In all of my work in various school districts and youth-serving environments I am notoriously calm and even-tempered; but, there is one thing I frequently want to exclaim, write across the sky, or maybe get tattooed in a conspicuous place: Accountability is not the same thing as punishment. Unfortunately, this is one of the greatest stumbling blocks for those parents, teachers, and other professionals working to implement restorative practices. We are often so afraid that alternatives to traditional punishments won’t allow for one to “own” their actions and take responsibility that we fail to give them the opportunity. We hold so tight to the notion that if we just punish them well enough, they’ll learn their lesson. This simply isn’t true. Heaps of data and all of my experience call this punishment mentality into question. How does this play out? “He disrespected me and deserves to be punished”, “She knew better than to break that rule and so she should be suspended.” The biggest challenge is not kids who refuse to take ownership. It’s us “grown-ups” who feel so put upon by negative behaviors that we have a hard time letting go and making room for youth to make amends, take ownership, and move forward. Let me further illustrate this point with a couple examples from my work in Restorative Justice in the last few weeks. Scenario one: